Crack Pairings
by doctorspockable
Summary: These are a few crack pairings, based on characters in the Harry Potter series. I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER.


**AN: Read and review :)**

Remus Lupin x Lucius Malfoy

"My father will hear about this!"  
>Whenever Remus Lupin heard those words, he always remembered another boy, many years ago, who said exactly the same thing. He'd been sitting under the oak tree by the lake, taking in the sunlight after another exhausting week of transformation. Before he knew it, however, he was rudely interrupted by Lucius Malfoy and Narcissa Black, shadowed as always by Narcissa's sister Bellatrix. Remus didn't trust any of them, and for all he knew, they didn't trust him either.<br>"You there - move!" Lucius' voice carried across the grounds as they stomped towards him.  
>Without James and Sirius to back him up, Remus decided to remove himself from the scene. However, as he made to move off, he heard a mutter and a high-pitched cackle as his book flew from his grasp to Lucius' out-stretched hand, which drew it close.<br>"Don't think you'll be getting this back again... Mudblood."  
>Lucius had obviously mistaken him for someone else, but that wasn't the point. Blood pounding in his ears, Remus pulled out his wand and performed the Bat-Bogey Hex. He picked up his book and ran back towards the castle. The last thing he heard as he slipped into the Entrance Hall was: "How dare you hex a prefect? My father will hear about this!"<p>

Seamus Finnegan x Blaise Zabini

The luck of the Irish. That's what Seamus blamed it on. Not only had he managed to get himself a stalker, but a Slytherin one at that. And a guy, too. A dark-haired, good-looking Slytherin guy who just so happened to be best friends with none other than Draco Malfoy. How was he going to explain this to Dean?  
>On Blaise's part, it was nothing more than a dare. A stupid dare from a stupid little boy who knew nothing of love other than that he could buy it with his stupid money. Of course, Blaise had taken it up. How else had he managed to buy a one-way ticket to Gryffindor hatred? Not that he cared, of course. Blaise cared for nothing and no-one. Especially not that lanky Irish lad in Gryffindor, all arms and legs, with a penchant for arson? Nobody would ever see it coming.<p>

Lavender Brown x Madam Puddifoot

On February 14, 1997, Lavender Brown was possibly the only person in the world who hated Valentines' Day. She couldn't help remembering that last year, she was in the exact same both at Madam Puddifoot's teashop in Hogsmeade... ignoring the two steaming cups of coffee in front of them, she and Ron had been a bit steamy themselves. She couldn't help but feel a clenching feeling in stomach as she thought about that day; Ron had seemed a bit out of it for a while, but especially that morning. It was only after she'd dumped him that she realised why: she silently cursed herself every day, and that bitch Hermione Granger too! What she wouldn't give to be in her shoes...

Madam Puddifoot, on the other hand, absolutely _adored_ Valentines' Day; she'd decorated the shop especially in pink hearts and roses, so when the students came in for their Hogsmeade trip, they'd get an extra treat. Her heart sank as she scanned the room: four tables with four snogging couples – and what's that? Lavender Brown sat by herself. Why could that be? Although, now she thought about it, it possibly wasn't a good idea to be messing about with boys under the circumstances. Her other favourite customer, Parvati Patil, was nowhere to be found either; she hoped she was only in detention.  
><em>Ha! Only detention...<em> thought Madam Puddifoot. _If only half of what I hear is true, those kids should be evacuated as of now..._

She meandered around the tables towards Lavender, and slid into the chair next to her as the girl gave a pair of loud, racking sobs that echoed throughout the room.  
>"My dear child, whatever is the matter?"<br>Lavender gave her a withering glare and the patronising simpers subsided.  
>"It's Won-Won...! He needs me, but he'd rather run after that Hermione Granger... and she wouldn't even look twice at him if they weren't both friends with the great Harry <em>P<em>otter_!"_  
><em>"<em>Lavender_,_ you broke up with him a year ago... surely it would be better to move on now?"

Lavender let out a screech like a wounded eagle and ran for the door, knocking over both chairs and tables in her haste to get away.  
>Madam Puddifoot shook her head mournfully as she watched the girl bolt down the street, somehow knowing it was the last she would ever see of her again.<p>

Neville Longbottom x Luna Lovegood

_Funny thing, the moon_, thought Neville. _Always changes, never ceases to amaze. Just like my Luna_.  
>Sometimes, she could crack a joke just as good as Fred or George, but then ten minutes later she'd be upset over some poor bird that flew into the window and died of shock. Other times, she'd be dead set on the sky... then tunnel deep under the earth in search of another non-existent creature.<br>But the one thing that Neville really loved about Luna was her own ability to love. She never truly hated, she was only angry that they upset the ones she loved. She could turn your whole view around with one smile, one kiss, one whisper in your ear. That was why he loved her.  
>Over time, his feeling of love had been returned, and now they lived in relative comfort with their three children – two girls and a boy; Emilia Alice, Francesca Ginevra, and Frank Xenophilius. Emmy and Fran were twins, the same age as Harry's eldest boy James; Frank on the other hand was the same age as Lily, James' sister and Luna's goddaughter. Emmy and Frank were Ravenclaws, but Fran decided to shock her parents by following in her father's footsteps, despite being the shyest of the three children.<br>_They knew their mother was always there for them, despite her having frequent moods swings and often going completely still as though in slumber._  
><em>For they were all born under a full moon.<em>


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